We Call It Monster Read online

  WE CALL IT MONSTER

  Lachlan Walter

  www.severedpress.com

  Copyright 2019 by Lachlan Walter

  For Fang, the biggest little monster

  EMERGENCE AND ACCOMMODATION

  YEARS 1-5

  The Party to End All Parties

  A Shit Way to Make A Living

  An Ordinary Hero

  This Is Not A Test

  The Party to End All Parties

  Everyone remembered where they were and what they were doing the first time they saw an enormous and ungodly thing crawl out of the sea and lay waste to a city. No one would ever forget it. No one ever could. It was a moment that burned itself into history, and those living through it knew instantly – the world seemed to shift on its axis, revealing a brand new reality.

  Some people were woken from sleep. Some were going about their daily lives. Some were loving, some were fighting. Some were grieving, some were rejoicing. Some were busy, some were bored. And some, like Sue Fleming, were partying.

  Well, partying might be a bit of a stretch. She had worked that day, and hadn’t had time to go home and change; she wasn’t coping with the heat, even though summer had barely begun, and she was tired and had a headache; and she had no idea why Marley – her half-brother’s new girlfriend – had invited her out. They didn’t know each other that well, and Sue wasn’t really a stickler for tradition.

  Jimmy, sitting on a couch opposite her, caught her glowering. “Cheer up, grumpy guts. It’s just a party, it’s not the end of the world.”

  “Yeah, yeah.”

  Sue shuffled about, trying to make herself comfortable on Marley’s ratty brown couch. She finished off her beer – they were going down easily in the heat.

  “Need another?” Jimmy asked.

  “Thanks, that’d be great. But make it something drinkable this time.”

  He threw her a mock-salute. “Right you are, sis.”

  As he walked off to the kitchen, Sue checked her phone. Nothing, no missed calls or new texts. It was almost out of battery. She tucked it in her pocket, leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

  The party kept on around her. The music was so loud…

  She opened her eyes and looked around. There were twenty or so people at the party, including Marley and Jimmy, who were the only ones she knew. Some stranger cracked a bottle of champagne. People cheered, but Sue didn’t join them.

  “Sue? Sorry to interrupt,” a loud voice said, its speaker standing behind her, “but Jimmy asked me to give this to you.”

  Sue turned and looked. Marley – Jimmy’s new girlfriend – was holding a stubby in her outstretched hand. Sue stood up and took it from her. It was some cheap European lager, not the drinkable beer that she had brought with her. She tried not to let her irritation show. It wasn’t Marley’s fault – Jimmy was the cheapskate who liked to foist his slop on others.

  “Cheers,” Sue said, raising her voice to be heard over the music.

  “Cheers!”

  Neither of them could think of anything else to say, so Marley gestured at the ratty brown couch.

  “Nice place,” Sue finally said, even though it was really just another rundown share-house in a flatland northern suburb, far enough from town to be affordable and to have avoided gentrification.

  “Thanks.”

  Another uncomfortable silence.

  “So, uh, happy birthday,” Sue said after a moment. She metaphorically kicked herself – she had already wished Marley the best, and she couldn’t have sounded more awkward if she had tried.

  “Thanks,” Marley said, kindly not mentioning that Sue had repeated herself. “Long day?” she asked.

  “The longest. And I was late getting to work so I had to skip lunch and blah blah blah.”

  Marley looked at Sue with sympathy, and so Sue left it at that, not wanting to rant at her during her own party. “Thanks for the invite,” she said. “It’s nice to see you and it’s nice to get out. I’ve just got to warm up to it.”

  “Thanks, but no sweat. You know, Jimmy begged me to invite you, even though I was already going to.”

  “Well, cheers.”

  “Of course – I couldn’t have my new boy’s big sister miss out on the fun.”

  Sue couldn’t stop herself scowling.

  “Sorry, did I say something wrong?” Marley asked.

  Sue forced a little laugh, which came out as a cross between a bark and a contemptuous cough. “No, you’re right. It’s just that ‘big sister’ isn’t the whole truth.”

  Marley’s face crinkled with confusion. Sue waved her in – the party was building around them, the music lifting, the chatter filling with laughter and happy cries.

  “Jimmy doesn’t talk about it much, but it’s no big secret and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. He’s still pissed at dad, that’s all.”

  Marley’s face crinkled further.

  “You see, I am Jimmy’s big sister, but only by a couple of months.”

  Marley’s face crinkled a third time.

  “After my mum got pregnant,” Sue continued, “she found out that dad was carrying on with someone else. She threw him out, of course, and so he took up with this ‘someone else.’ Not long after that, dad got her pregnant too.”

  Marley’s mouth was actually hanging open. “That’s Jimmy’s mum?”

  “That’s right. And then, a few years after Jimmy was born, dad left Jimmy’s mum for another ‘someone else.’ Last time I saw him, he’d ditched her, too, and left another kid behind as well.”

  “No way.”

  “Yep. Jimmy and I have a little sister out there somewhere, though we’ve never met her.”

  Marley simultaneously smiled and frowned at the absurdity of it all.

  “I always thought that Dad would make a good superhero,” Sue said. “You know, something like The Franchiser.”

  “Who’d make a good superhero?” a voice asked from somewhere behind them, a familiar voice that surprised them both.

  Jimmy…

  “Hey,” Marley said, as they both turned to see him emerge from the crowd.

  “Hey,” he replied as he walked around the couch, squeezed his lanky frame past the coffee table, and stood in front of Marley and Sue. He leaned down and kissed the top of Marley’s head then parked himself in between them, forcing them both to squish up a bit. He took Marley’s hand, leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.

  They were so lovey-dovey that Sue thought she might be sick.

  “So, who’d make a good superhero?” Jimmy asked with complete seriousness.

  Sue drained her beer while she tried to think of an answer that wouldn’t give away his ‘secret.’ Inspiration struck, and she slammed the empty stubby down on the coffee table to make it plain.

  “Everlasting Beer Man,” she said.

  “You what?”

  “You know, Everlasting Beer Man – he’s got the power to make any stubbie or can last forever. I thought the name was pretty self-explanatory.”

  Marley raised an eyebrow, obviously impressed by Sue’s ability to spin a yarn.

  “Would the beer stay carbonated?” Jimmy asked, completely serious once again.

  “Of course. It’d be a pretty useless superpower if it didn’t. Who’d want an everlasting bottle of flat beer?”

  “Does his power extend to wine and spirits?” Marley asked, joining their game. “Or just beer?”

  Jimmy turned and looked at her. He was so proud; he was smiling so wide that Sue could see his fillings. Marley caught his smile, matched it, then reached over and reeled him in.

  Sue looked away as they kissed deeply.

  “And how about soft drinks?” Marley soon asked, affectionately pushing Jimmy back and
continuing her line of questioning.

  Sue frowned, making a big show of thinking it over. “Just beer, I’m afraid. Otherwise his name gets a bit complicated. Everlasting Beer and Wine and Spirits and Soft Drink Man doesn’t really roll off the tongue, you know what I mean?”

  Marley and Jimmy both laughed, before turning to each other at exactly the same time, as if Cupid had infused them with some telepathic lovers’ link. They kissed deeply again. Sue didn’t know where to look. After what felt like a long time, Marley and Jimmy finally broke apart.

  “Everlasting Beer Man it is,” Jimmy said, raising his stubbie.

  Marley raised hers. “I know something else that’s everlasting,” she said, gently nudging Jimmy in the ribs.

  He turned in his seat and looked at her, mock-outrage in his eyes.

  Sue groaned aloud, accustomed to their playful smut and completely bored by it. She plucked her empty stubbie off the table and held it aloft. “Speaking of beer,” she said, getting to her feet, “I’m all out.”

  “No problem,” Marley said, barely looking her way.

  Jimmy didn’t even answer.

  ***

  Sue gave Marley and Jimmy enough space to indulge themselves, and did her best to drift around the party. It was a hard place to be a wallflower, as there weren’t that many people there – she couldn’t get lost in the crowd and just people-watch as she normally would, couldn’t disappear behind the wall of her phone because it was almost out of battery. Whenever one of Marley or Jimmy’s friends caught her staring into space or browsing through Marley’s books and DVDs or hiding away in the kitchen, they would invite her to join them in their conversation.

  Not wanting to be rude, she couldn’t say no.

  At some point, she found herself talking to Marley’s older sister, who had been yabbering on about herself for almost an hour. Still, Sue felt like she didn’t get to know her at all. When she finally paused for breath, Sue seized the chance and told her that she had to go to the toilet. A little while later, she literally got stuck in the middle of a deep and meaningful discussion about politics, when four people barged into the bathroom while she was sitting on the toilet. They were talking loud enough to cover the sound of her doing her business; when she walked out of the cubicle to wash her hands, they just kept talking as she pushed through the middle of them.

  She tried to chat to the only other person she really knew, who had shown up halfway through her drifting. Chris was an old school friend of Jimmy’s, though he was a couple of years younger than them both. He and Sue had known each other for a long time and had always gotten along, but the last few times she had seen him he had been shy and tongue-twisted, and tried to avoid her eye. This time it was the same – he stammered out a hello, and then wouldn’t look at her.

  Someone barged past them as Sue was trying hard to make conversation with Chris, knocking her shoulder. She looked away for a moment. When she looked back, she caught Chris trying to snatch a glimpse down her top.

  A-ha.

  Sue decided to mess with him a bit. Theirs had always been a playful friendship; why couldn’t it be that way now that they were both adults and attraction had entered the mix? She caught his eye, smiled then licked her lips. He squirmed, and she enjoyed watching him do so, but she spared him further embarrassment, turning away and drifting some more.

  She looked over books and DVDs that she had already looked over, politely rejected the one person who tried to flirt with her, checked her phone once or twice, fetched another drink, took a photo of Marley and Jimmy slow-dancing in the middle of the lounge room, thought about joining them but decided against it. She checked her phone again, listened to people she didn’t know tell stories about other people she didn’t know, listened to other people she didn’t know wax lyrical about topics that didn’t interest her, snooped through Marley’s fridge and the contents of her pantry, went outside with the intention of botting a smoke off someone, changed her mind at the last minute and metaphorically patted herself on the back. She went back into the kitchen and fetched yet another drink, saw Marley check her phone while dancing with Jimmy, saw her let go of his hands and disappear into another room, watched as her sister followed after her. Sue decided to finally have a dance, found herself awkwardly facing Chris, tried to ignore his obvious erection, laughed aloud when Jimmy danced her way and yelled in her ear to point it out.

  And then the music stopped dead.

  “What’s going on?”

  “Oh, man – I love that song.”

  “Who turned out the lights?”

  “You’re kidding me.”

  “Is it already time to pack it in?”

  “What the fuck?”

  Everyone seemed to be speaking at once. Marley’s voice suddenly thundered over the lot of them. “Everyone! Everyone, listen up!” Moving as one, the crowd turned to look at her. Her eyes were red, her cheeks wet with tears. “Something’s… Something’s happening…” she said in a shaky voice. “Something’s happening up in Sydney. It’s… I don’t know… Another bombing… It’s…”

  Everyone was thinking the same thing, though none of them acknowledged it: another terrorist attack. It had been a few years since the last one, but they all remembered it well, their only frame of reference for an unnatural disaster of such magnitude.

  “I just found out,” Marley continued, her voice tiny, “that my… that my parents… that they’re…” Her voice cracked, she burst into tears then ran out of the room. Jimmy chased after her, his face a mess of confusion and worry.

  “Fuck me,” someone said, a stranger standing next to Sue.

  She turned to look at him. He was pawing at his phone, scrolling through a news-site or live feed or some such, his thumb working overtime, his eyes flicking back and forth as he scanned headlines and lead sentences.

  “You’ve got to be kidding,” he said, his voice filled with awe and incredulity. “Is anyone else seeing this?”

  No one answered. Sue looked around the room. Everyone else was looking at their phones as well. Some were crying; some were wide-eyed; some were completely blank. The air was thick with sighs of disbelief, grunts of confusion, half-muttered expressions of incomprehension. Accompanying it all, the tinny background clatter and AM-radio voices of news videos and YouTube footage filtered through tiny mobile-phone speakers.

  Like a lamb rolling out the carpet for the slaughter-man and happily indulging ghoulish fascination, Sue reached for her phone and flicked it on.

  A picture of she and Jimmy riding a roller-coaster greeted her, overlaid with a message-bubble telling her that she had received four new texts. And then the phone blinked off, its battery finally dying. She looked around the room again. Just about everyone else had sat down – they were all busily texting or scanning websites. Chris was the only other person in the room who wasn’t fixed on their phone.

  Sue sighed aloud. It had to be Chris…

  He met her eye and smiled sadly, all his adolescent awkwardness and barely-suppressed lust gone. Sue met his smile, and he waved her over. Thankfully, his erection had deflated.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yep, I suppose. I’m just a bit lost.”

  “Yeah, me too.”

  “Do you know what’s up with Marley and Jimmy?”

  “Nope. I knocked on the door they disappeared behind, but he just told me to piss off.”

  “That’s our Jimmy…”

  They both looked around the room for a moment, at everyone hunched over their phones.

  “Any idea what’s going on?” Chris asked.

  Sue looked at him as if he was as dumb as a box of bricks. “How would I know? You’re not the only one without a phone.”

  Chris smiled, unable to help himself. “Fair enough.”

  “Do you know how to work Marley’s TV?”

  “This is the first time I’ve been here, so, no. But it shouldn’t be hard to figure out, it’s just a TV.”

  “Well, what are y
ou for waiting for?” Sue asked, deciding to once again tease him a little, giving him a pat on the back, then tousling his hair.

  He blushed; he was still just a kid, after all. It made her smile.

  “After you, my lady,” he said, his squeaky voice self-consciously pitched a little lower.

  He blushed again when Sue squeezed past him and made her way to the TV. He hung back for a moment, and Sue just knew that he was staring at her bum. She gave him a little wiggle, teasing him some more, and he couldn’t help laughing. She turned to look at him: he quickly snatched his gaze away and fixated on the far wall. Sue turned back and kept walking, stopping at the coffee table. She stood there, looming over the people who filled both couches. They were all still glued to their phones, barely talking to each other. Sue looked down at the coffee table, at the mess of empty bottles and dirty takeaway containers and old newspapers that covered it. Jutting from the detritus, half-hidden underneath a gossip magazine adorned with crude graffiti, a tattered shoe box full of remote controls.

  She reached into it, but couldn’t work out which remote was for the TV.

  “If you don’t mind,” Chris said.

  Sue looked at him and rolled her eyes as she passed him the shoe box. She sat perched on the edge of the coffee table, and he sat down next to her.

  “Sorry,” he said in a tiny and embarrassed voice.

  “No worries.”

  He reached into the shoe box, pulled out the right remote on his first attempt, and brought the TV to life. This stirred everyone else in the room – some of them started breaking away from their phones, some started dividing their time between the two.

  “There you go,” Chris said to Sue, holding the remote aloft. “They’ve both got the same brand name marked out in red, you see.”

  There’s nothing worse than being patronised by someone who isn’t really old enough to start shaving…

  “Shh,” Sue said, actually shushing him, her eyes on the TV.